I swear sometimes that I have been cursed....

From a very small age it was just natural for me to break the rules or be rebelious.   I don't know if it is just the mix in my blood, because both of my parents are hot headed in some way shape or form.  They are both strong stock.  When I was young I rebelled in the not so glamorous way, made plenty of rough choices, did some down right stupid things, never learned once.  Ironically now as an adult I am still rebelious, however I would like to believe that I am more of a right fighter.  I don't know maybe I was a right fighter too when I was young, I just didn't know how to fight the right way.  Anyway, it is just who I am.  But it is not always enjoyable.  Why do I always have to piss people off?  Or why is it so hard for me to fit in? The funny thing is that I don't really want to fit in... but is that bad?  Sometimes I hate having views or opinions.  I really try hard to suppress them, because when I don't I usually wind up making things difficult for myself or I cause friction.  My closest family and friends would say that that is what they love about me.  GOD BLESS THEM!  Seriously, I am one lucky lady to be loved by some really good people, because I am a pain in the  ass!  When I try to be someone that I am not though, I have even more conflict.  So sometimes it is hard to be yourself I guess.  Like right now at this very moment, Aunt Bethany is FIRED UP!  I am so irritated.  I could probably run 6 miles and do about 50 squats and some bench press! Why am I irritated? Don't want to share why!  Whatever!  I am NOT A VICTIM! And I will teach my kids that they are NEVER VICTIMS either.  See, I just do not conform well.  I am not a conformist.  I will follow my belief in God (In my mind God is Nature, the Universe, the beginning and the end... NOT A PERSON).  I love nature, therefore, I love God.  I don't know where I am going with this one.  I am just not a follower.  There are many people that I really respect and love and I have told people that if I ask you for your advice and I come back for more... I REALLY respect you.  But I just can't follow the masses to fit in.  So I consider myself a lone wolf sometimes.  I am sure that is bad too, but what the heck.... I am who I am.  I seek truth and I do totally find that in Jesus Christ.  I find truth in nature, in animal behavior, the way our planet goes round, storms, natural disasters, sunny days, rainy days.  I have to go make lunches. Good night.